Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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