Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
