went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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