I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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