Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
