Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this will be a night to untag.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
