I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
