if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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