Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wat bout pragnant strippers??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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