So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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