Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
