roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
