I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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