Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You can't motorboat a personality
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
