I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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