Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
