im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
