i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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