I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
