So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
