where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
