you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
