we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
