dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
