You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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