Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
