so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
