I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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