Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
