I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
