just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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