I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
