something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
