someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
