She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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