yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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