i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
