Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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