My nipple is on Facebook.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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