My hand turned me down
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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