I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
