i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
