she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
