And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
