Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We left the knife in your bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize