just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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