like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
