pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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