i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
