On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
