I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
