im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
