I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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