Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
