Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
