I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
