i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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