She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
