Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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