my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
