so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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