i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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