Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
