My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
