i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
