Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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