I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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