I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize