I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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