I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
