so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need water and some morals
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
