I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
