Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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