i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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